鼠ん

I think there's something hard-wired in my heart and soul intended to make me miserable and to die an early death. I can't stop doing nasty and dangerous things! My heart aches and my head spins no matter what. My limbs are always in pain due to general weakness and a mistake I made many years ago. I think I have to throw in the towel one of these days.

Every time I wake up I discover a brand new way to feel sick and new evidence of self destruction (in one of various forms) left from the previous day that I usually can't for the life of me remember actually doing. It's like there is an evil spirit possessing me.

I don't think this evil spirit is really a thing, so I need to stop blaming it. The only evil spirit and ghost in my life is Akuryou Obake, and he's done nothing to me except inspire a kind and creative life, so I should stop calling all my wild and dangerous feats "Akuryou Obake aura" lol
it's not like I can even match his level of cool with the way he hurts himself

My family kind of thinks ignoring my issues will make them go away though and it's making me sicker and sicker as time goes on. The days are ticking down until I see a psychiatrist for the first time so hopefully they can fix me when it happens...mentally at least. the physical issues are maybe bust forever

じゃあね。

I'm still working on my sleep. Obviously. I feel so extremely exhausted that I could cry... but I woke up around 8AM today, after over 10 hours of sleep. Is it progress? I don't actually know. But it's... something lol

Metronome released their new album today. It's definitely a Metronome album, and I liked it, especially the fake pop-punk sounding track Riu composed (EVERYTHING=LIFE). I really have a soft spot for that stuff from Metronome. But I can't tell if Sharaku is just using his regular vocal style, or if he sounds... sick ??

My best friend pointed out that he sounded similar when he was in the band Cuckoo, so maybe it's the former.
I found out they're doing an online signing event so against my better judgement I bought the CD. It comes with a postcard and they'll sign it and maybe even say my screen name...

...isn't the concept of a virtual in-store really funny? Kind of, uh, defeats the point? Of meeting the guys?

well, I'm looking forward to that. So I'll force myself to stay awake until 8pm for Sharaku's sake. lalala ~~

じゃあね！

My sleep has been terrible recently. I couldn't get to sleep until like 5 in the morning, then I woke up at 1PM, feeling intensely embarrassed of myself. I don't know what to do.

Today I had a shower, dressed up, and bought groceries for my family. I did my makeup of course...full shironuri lololol. Well, check out the Takuya Angel coordinate



I love these shoes. They make me feel awesome. Being 5'3 can be annoying so walking around as a solid 5'9 feels fantastic lol. I'm on top of the world! Literally.

Anyway, I've been working on a Serial Experiments Lain fanvideo to the song Angel's Trumpet by Euthanasie (who later changed their name to GOTHIKA, as you may know). I really like it so far. I wish my name was #449... that's such a cool way to write Yoshiki. My real name is already "49" when shortened though, as real ones will know...

Hoping to finish my AMV today. My dad finally noticed my 3 week old wrist tattoo while I was eating a burger for dinner, asked me what it meant (I explained Input/Output to him), then informed my grandmother than "it's some really meaningful gay community stuff"... shut up! I'm straight.

I don't have much else to report. じゃあね〜

I'll probably make a proper blog post about it later, but... I cut my hair! I bought one of those razor combs and went at it, aided by my old hair scissors. I have fucked up emo-ish bangs now. The downside of this is that I have to straighten my hair all the time... or else.

Also, I stopped shaving my goatee for the time being... my girlfriend isn't a fan but... I'll never know what I look like unless I let it grow just once ;-)
じゃあね！

Ha. Aha. On my way to hang out with a buddy right now, but the track closures on the railroad are inconvenient. It's two buses when I prefer a bus and train.

My document issues at work seemed to persist through systems despite my emailing everything through long before my first day, and as my mentioning this on day two was enough to count as a disruption, I was dismissed. Shucks. Time to send out applications once again...

Oh, my new workstation is awesome though. Her name's Mirai. I'll say more after Friday, when I'll have some nicer cords and the opportunity to install Debian GNU/Linux on her. じゃあね〜

Friday night I rang my girlfriend, drank a bottle of watermelon flavour soju, and swore at people via online chess. I was miffed when I read the label on the back of the bottle and saw that the stuff I was drinking was something like 11% alcohol. I was under the assumption that it was 13.5%, according to my local liquor store's website.

Yesterday night: I rang my girlfriend, drank a bottle of tropical flavour soju, and apologised a thousand times because I had no idea why I was so drunk. I wasn't that bad yesterday, after all. I spun the bottle around and read the label: 13.5%.

...Ah.

It's my birthday, so I cut my bangs and got all dressed up in Takuya Angel. Yes, to go to college. Be nice. Anywho, I saw a cute guide dog in training at the train station--only 13 weeks old! She was nervous about going down the stairs. If I had a photo of her, I would use it.

I showed up super early so I'm listening to Polysics and sitting around. Typing this on a library computer, where my Google Chrome Portable works just fine. I'm really glad I could set all that stuff up.

I don't want to be the "queen of blogging" like Toda-san used to call himself. But I'll blog a little for the sake of it: you know, my hair is a mess, but it's almost cute. I like cute things; I always have. I have too many feminine qualities. Combined with how the only weight I've lost lately is muscle so that while I'm thin (for a guy) I'm all soft, when I'm dressed up, sometimes I'm mistaken for a woman.

A year ago, in Hiromu Toda cosplay, a wiry nerd stopped in his tracks in the middle of the train cart: "Y-you look stunning..." When I thanked him, he rushed down the aisle to sit further away. I'm no pervert but I get a huge thrill when people hear me speak and realise they've made a grave mistake. (Sometimes people assume I'm a trans person of either direction without even asking though...)

Went out today to pick up a new hot glue gun and a bunch of hot glue. Did you know that I used to to really be into chewing on discarded bits of drying hot glue? I forgot this, until I started using the damn thing.

Lord save us all. Anywho, I caught sight of a beautiful cell tower today~ so tall and strong!

I forgot both my medication and my USB stick today. I am left not writing, not working on my website, and not even doing school work. My only outlet is online chess. By the time the week is over, I will not have this issue anymore.

My only hope: my iPod. Everyone needs to listen to gurugurueigakan, the best punk-rock band to ever exist. God... why is there not more of them...

I went out to buy microfiber cloths (which I spent a long time deciding on just to buy the home brand), and as a bonus, scored a nice bag large enough to hold even my 14-inch iBook with much room to spare for only $5!

I plan on getting a nice shoulder strap for the bag and affixing lots of pins and keychains and so on to it in the future. Maybe I could even put my fabric paint to use... I don't trust in the quality of the material, but if things break, it's simply my job to repair it. ;-)

じゃあね... I'll spend tonight drinking with my girlfriend! After all, it's Valentine's.