鼠ん

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I don't even know what happened the rest of the afternoon. I have like 4 exams next week.

my parents cooked me food that I like so I ate a lot today… I ate half a peanut butter sandwiches and more than half a banana for lunch. I can almost use running late to class as an excuse but it's a really bad one that I don't like.

I like to watch eating videos… not mukbangs, but they're basically all mukbangs now. I wish there were more eating videos where they eat normal sized portions and actually chew their food. everyone is taking TOO huge bites and not chewing enough at all. how do you swallow all that ???

oh no, I remember. I bought a venti ice cream float or something… ate all that AND dinner too. can I do it tomorrow? I am a little worried about my acute gastritis (not an ulcer, actually! not yet..? hope not ever. edited the title of the last post too). the mayoclinic page for it doesn't have "eat" in the self-care section! clevelandclinic doesn't say anything about skipping meals either..!! but the doctor who did my check-up did and she's the most reliable out of all my sources. obviously I'm just looking for excuses. I wish someone would tell me what to do.

(this journal has turned into a …** diary really quickly @_@ this really is so embarrassing. but this is what I wanted this journal to be, right…)

my appreciation for Pavement is at an all-time high… just a few things to say: I don't get the hype for Gold Soundz and the Watery, Domestic EP. everyone seems to love those but to me they're just ~okay~. I do like the slacker style, not so much the lo-fi sound. Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain and Wowee Zowee are my favorite albums. I'm really trying but I can't get into their last two albums Brighten the Corners and Terror Twilight.

I played minecraft today on my beta 1.7.3 world. I'm focused on mining but mining is so hard! I keep getting lost in caves and I'm always freaked out… the game stays muted with videos or music in the background to help with that. I'm also building paths and checkpoints in the cave, mining out sections to make it easier to navigate so I don't get lost. I don't want to strip mine, really. lapis lazuli is my main goal but I found my first four diamonds and collected obsidian while I was at it. not sure what I would do in the nether. that place is scary, even though I'm in peaceful mode. I totally get it now, when people say peaceful mode is scary. not scary in the new versions but scary in the old versions, that I get. because really it's as if the land itself is alive and watching. in modern minecraft, it's like as though you are an ant on the body of a giant. but in beta minecraft, the world is scaled to your size and it's as if you are at met at eye level.

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I think I decided I will cook today. I remembered that my mom bought frozen vegetables for my soup. it's got cauliflower, broccoli and carrot. all agreeable in theory.

I feel hesitant because I'm unsure about the noodles. I always add noodles to my egg drop soup. there is likely to be some uncooked noodles left over from months ago when I last cooked this meal but I am inclined to believe that it rotted during that time or got eaten by the big rat of the ceiling. I would love to have some tofu in place of the noodles, but it's too late to get any now because tofu is only good when it was frozen beforehand. my mom bought me a supply of tofu but that was months ago. I didn't cook egg drop soup at all until eventually she used the ingredients herself in a different meal. when the tofu was thawing in a bowl of water, I took one of the blocks and put it back in the freezer. it's a small block of months-old frozen tofu. maybe it's still okay—it's not going to be much and I'll probably find a way to fill in the empty space with some type of pasta.

the only other ingredient that I was missing were shrimp cubes to add some semblance of flavor. I didn't have enough money so I would have to go home then go back to the store. I don't like asking for money. while planning this on my first trip home after class, the jeepney driver had to slam the breaks to avoid hitting a pedestrian. I got scared, so I took it as a sign not to go. I checked what cubes we have at home and it was all just beef and pork! save half a broth cube of chicken; it sat at the very bottom of the jar without its plastic wrapper, folded in foil. it's the half-cube that I didn't use from the last time I cooked egg drop soup. how safe is it? I'm worried of invisible mold. I am considering using one of the pork or beef cubes instead, but I'm not looking forward to it…

this morning we had an assessment covering three lessons. I tried to study and I very well knew it wasn't enough. I was resigned to just guessing my way through it, ready for the low grade that I would receive. my teacher is very kind and surprised by allowing us to partner up to answer the assessment. she didn't tell us this beforehand so it was planned for our best interest, very much done to ease the load off our shoulders. but for my case it meant that I then had someone to drag down with me. as it turned out however, my partner and I were more like witnesses of each other's turmoil. both failed to study, but I certainly worse than her. far worse

I was running late so I skipped breakfast and said I would eat after class. I'm just going to wait until lunch now and they will leave me alone with my frozen-fresh egg drop soup.

I'm waiting for the tofu to thaw.

the carrot was still cold, the cauliflower was bitter, so I ate only the broccoli tops. two pieces of each brassica was too generous and one of carrot was too much. I forgot if frozen vegetables should be thawed before being put into soups or if the boiling water can take care of it. I totally messed up the timing of the ingredients. I put two eggs instead of one to take the place of a starch slurry which would have covered the absence of noodles (I couldn't find it). it created a suffocating cloud of weird egg water cream. I enjoyed the tofu the most and turns out a small block was just enough. I did put too much water so I'm like totally full. eating it lasted longer than it should. 3/10 meal

tonight's update:

I didn't realize my parents actually cooked me some egg tuna for lunch. I didn't see it on the table. I ate that for dinner, alongside the fried egg that was meant to be my breakfast. not part of the plan

it's been long enough that I am confident that I can sort out songs from the first three pavement studio albums into a tier list

I have recommended pavement to at least two people. their strange and kooky lyrics drew me in but their nutty rhythms were catchy enough to keep me listening. my most favorite songs right now is probably Elevate me later. I made a playlist for the occasion: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTdBKkNqf1fQ 

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